I Was in Love with a Thief

A ‘love’ letter to my ex❤️

From the very first day Femi “borrowed” my ₦2k, swore on his grandmother’s grave to return it, and somehow, two weeks later, that same grandmother mysteriously died again when I asked for my money🙄💔

I should have known when my friend’s iPhone 11 vanished at my birthday party, and before we could even panic, the phone rang out in Femi’s back pocket.. Can you imagine the embarrassment I felt? Shame wear me raincoat. And then he has the nerve to tell me “Babe, why is she crying? She get two phones na. No vex for me oyinbo mi “

I should have picked my slippers and run for my life when he stuffed three Titus fishes into his boxers at Mile 12, then had the audacity to slap me because I refused to “cover” for him.

Omo💔

Femi. A confirmed two-legged rat .

And me? A first-class JAMB candidate in the School of Love. Smh

I understand love is blind, and my own? My own love was suffering from astigmatism and glaucoma.

Until now. Glory to God 🤭

6:00 a.m. Monday Morning (Victoria Island , Lagos )

My alarm screams. I hit snooze. Then my brain taps me gently.

Omo, you get work.

Unlike some lifeguards in Egbeda who still have sticky fingers, I actually have a job. A proper 9–5. With salary. And dignity.

I drag myself out of bed, shuffle to the kitchen, and grab my overnight oats. Cause I’m a wellness babe with Soft life. I deserve it.

11am

Then my phone rings. It’s an Unknown number.

I already know who it is.

I sigh. “Hello?”

“Good morning, ma. I have a package for you.”

I roll my eyes so hard I nearly see the back of my head.

Again? This man no dey tire?

I don’t need a prophet, Google Maps, or my village people to tell me who sent it. Another guilt gift from Femi.

For two weeks, this guy has been haunting my doorstep with presents. As if Yankee-scented candles and fake Gucci slides can erase the fact that I got slapped in Balogun market because I refused to assist with petty theft.

I drag my feet to the door, take the package, and dump it on the growing pile of unwanted gifts.

It’s almost funny. Femi? A giver?Ah

The same Femi that stole my friend’s iPhone because “she get two phones.”He Stole fish from Mile 12 and blamed inflation 😂 this rat of a man was pickpocketing in broad daylight in Lagos!!! 😭

And now? He has a “big boy” job as a lifeguard in Egbeda. A thief watching over people’s belongings? God, how far?

I take a spoonful of my oats and sigh.

Maybe I should send him a present too.

Maybe then, he’ll finally leave me alone.

I get up, walk to my wardrobe, and pick something iconic.

His old, faded hoodie.

Once upon a time, I claimed this hoodie with my full chest. His elder brother had given it to him, and before he could pass it down to their last-born, I had already “collected” it.

Now? I’m returning it. Full circle.

I fold it neatly into a plastic bag, attach a note, and write his work address on it.

I seal the envelope, draw a wicked heart on it, and send it off.

And if you’re wondering what the letter says?

Well… Femi will publish it . Just stay with me.

Egbeda, 2:00 p.m.

The sun is wicked. The type that can roast plantain without fire.

Femi sits by the pool, watching small children misuse their destiny. One boy, who thinks he’s Michael Phelps, almost drowns.

Femi, the most hardworking lifeguard in Egbeda. He wipes his forehead and steps out of the pool , dreaming of cold Coke and shawarma .

Femi sighs. He needs a break.

Then he hears it “Oga Femi, delivery for you!”

His heart jumps.

Finally. I hope it’s what I think it is

He rushes over, grabs the package, and sees the handwriting.

Ada.

His Ada.

His chest swells.

After all the gifts, all the effort . it worked. She has forgiven him.

See the Mumu 😂

He doesn’t even wait to get home. He tears open the package right there by the poolside.

A hoodie.

His old hoodie.

He blinks. His brain does loading… 99%… ERROR.

Then he sees the letter. A heart drawn on the envelope.

His smile stretches. A love letter.

He unfolds the paper and starts reading.

Femi, my Sweet Nifemi.

I searched and searched for the perfect way to show you how much I care. How much I’ve always cared.

Then it hit me. This hoodie.

It smelled like you once. It carried your warmth. It reminded me of all the times you held me close.

He blushes. 🥰🤭

But then I washed it. The scent faded. The warmth disappeared.

The memories? They dried up like spilled garri in the sun.

Just like us.

I’m returning it now. Fresh. Cold. Empty.

I thought you should have it back. Maybe this time, you can finally pass it down to someone who doesn’t mind dating a thief.

Since you love taking what’s not yours, I figured I’d give you one last thing to steal:Shame .

With love (and wickedness),

Adaobi. 🤭

Back to Me

I send the package and continue eating my oats and working in between

The taste is off.

Or maybe it’s just my mood.

I sigh, push the bowl aside, and grab my phone.

A new text.

Femi: So this is it?

Me right now

I type a reply. Delete it. Type another one. Delete it again.

I put my phone on silent and look outside my window 🤭

Outside, the sun is shining.

Somewhere in Egbeda, Femi is staring at that hoodie, that letter, wondering if I ever loved him at all.

I did.

But I love myself more.

And for the first time in his life, something has been taken from him.

Not a phone. Not fish. Not a purse from an unsuspecting passerby.

Something bigger.

Me. His Ada.

P.S. I hear Egbeda is nice this time of year.

Just hold your phone like your destiny depends on it . Femi is still in the business. And if you see him, cross the road and Japa like LASTMA is after you .

Ire o ❤️