I Found Out the LOML is a Full-Time Beggar on Obasanjo's Internet💔

Femi: An account number evangelist 🥲

Heartbreak is one thing.

Finding out the love of your life is a professional beggar on Obasanjo’s internet?

That’s spiritual warfare💔🥹

It’s No Contact Day 16, and I should be healing. I should be in my soft girl era, sipping iced coffee and ignoring my enemies😪

But instead? I’m lying in bed, bonnet halfway off, wearing the same sweater I’ve been wearing since this heartbreak started, scrolling through my phone like a certified monitoring spirit.

I still miss him. Unfortunately😔

And that's the real tragedy. It's one thing to cry over a man that looks like Damson Idris. But to be shedding premium tears over a short Yoruba man with misplaced confidence? Double homicide.

My best friends told me to stop crying. "He wasn't even that cute." Now, there's double tears and embarrassment.

I don't even know why I'm crying. Maybe it's the secondhand embarrassment because my enemies are definitely laughing😩😩😩

But let’s be honest ,what exactly am I missing? A man who is short in height, shorter in sense, and shortest in money and even memory???🙄

It’s so bad that even my friends are tired. They’ve started saying things like, “Babe, are you sure you weren’t dating yourself?”

And honestly? I’m not sure.

Because, how do you explain a relationship where I was the one sending data, paying for lunch because somehow his bank app never works , and yet i still getting cheated on?

Even my father’s village people didn’t see this one coming.

And then there’s her.

The other babe.

The reason I’m here, face puffy from crying, playing sad music like I’m in a tragic Netflix film😔

But let’s be real . I’m not even mad at her. She’s not ‘that’ fine. And if we’re being truly honest, she’s also suffering.

Why? You may ask .

Well because she’s taller than Femi. He is a Semi-dwarf. Remember?

And I know she can’t even wear heels around him without him forming fake vex. If she stands too close, his insecurity will kick in. If she slaps his head in public, he might just cry.😭

At least I dodged that bullet.

Or so I thought.

Because just when I think I’ve reached rock bottom, life decides to dig deeper.

It’s raining, and my body remembers.

That cursed afternoon 16 days ago . The day my brain reset inside keke napep.

The Holy Spirit must have whispered, “My child, check his phone.”

So I did.

And what I saw? Thunder should have just struck me dead.

The audacity. The disrespect.

Femi wasn’t just cheating. He was begging!

I read the messages twice. Because surely, my eyes were deceiving me?

He had been texting his side chick like this:

“Hey beautiful. You don’t have to say it back but I love you “

“Why didn’t you put the camera down a bit .”

“Send me 2K abeg, I never chop. My bank app no dey work “

HE WAS BEGGING HIS SIDE CHICK FOR MONEY , for “experience” for LOVE !

Ah. Omo. This life no balance.

I didn’t cry. I couldn’t.

The sky did it for me. Rain poured, thunder rumbled, the world went dark. Because even God was disappointed in Femi.

Femi, being the natural mumu that he is, was angry.

But was he mad that I found out?Or mad that his side chick was serving him premium unlooking? Or too embarrassed and the only way to escape is to be mad?

Because let me tell you this babe was not feeling him.

She had left him on read for three days . He was begging to be cheated with, and even that one didn’t want him💔

At that moment, I should have left.

But no. My foolish heart still loved him.

And now? Karma has collected me like debt.

It’s still raining. Just like 16 days ago.

I sigh, pick up my phone, and open my group chat. The babes and I are supposed to have lunch today, so I need outfit inspo.

Then I see it.

Screenshots Of Femi🥹Begging for 5k, 10k under a fake Don Jazzy account.

Consistently … Asin not once. Not twice. Not even three times.

THIS MAN HAD TURNED GIVEAWAY COMMENTS INTO HIS 9-5.

I close my eyes. Take a deep breath. Open them again. Maybe it’s a mistake. Maybe it’s not him. I check the account number he dropped under the post.

His real name pops up.

It’s actually Femi

At this point, even tears reject me.

Before I can process it, Sharon calls the group chat. I pick up.

The first thing I hear?

Laughter.

“IYAWO FEMI!!!” she screams. “😂😂😂 SEE YOUR LIFE???”

Abigail joins. Now they are laughing in surround sound. EVIL LAUGHTER.

I hang up immediately.

Shame wear me wedding gown 😔💔

I ran straight to the bathroom, turn on the shower, and scrub. Scrub like I’m trying to wash Femi out of my spirit.

Because what is this nonsense?

So if Femi is not stealing, he is begging?

And he even had the nerve to cheat?

I don’t need a prophet to tell me what to do.

I go straight to my wardrobe, pick out my finest Sunday dress.

I must give testimony in church this Sunday . Because I ESCAPED. Ahhh

I look up to the sky and whisper, “Thank you, Lord. I escaped.”

I pick up my phone one last time.

Sharon has sent another voice note.

I press play.

She’s gasping for air between laughter now. She’s so evil 😂

“Babe, if you had married this man, na you go dey do giveaway for am.”

I roll my eyes and drop the phone.

Because it’s true.

If I had stayed, I’d be a full-time sponsor, funding a man with a PhD in audacity and a Master’s in financial recklessness.

I’d wake up every morning to: “Baby, abeg send me small something make I hold.”

I’d be loading his phone with data, so he could cheat in 5G.

And the worst part?

I’d be contributing to family problems I didn’t create.

No, abeg. I reject it.

I get up from the bed , tie my towel, and face my mirror.

My reflection stares back at me.

We both burst into laughter.

Loud. Free. Unhinged.

I grab my phone, open the group chat.

Sharon and Abigail are still on this matter , dropping memes and evil voice notes.

I type one message.

“Babes, where are we eating? I suddenly feel like celebrating.”

Because while Femi is out there begging for 10K, I am here, standing in my towel, basking in the glow of divine escape.

Soft girl era? Unlocked.

Sense? Restored.

Me? I won.

The End.

This is not just a breakup story . This is a survival story. I’m off to practice my testimony dance moves 💃💃💃