How to be a baller with 2k in your account

Riches dey this world mehn…

Baller (noun): a person who lives an extravagant, money-driven lifestyle.

You want to join the clique of people who have the mind to bathe with their gold chain? This is for you.

I know I’ve been inconsistent. It’s because I’ve been balling. Its a soft life over here, I won’t even lie. You kow I’m a generous queen. When I’m soft, you’re soft too. Let me teach you my ways.

Get your pens and notes. You’re gonna need to jot finz down .

Step 1: Possess Your Possession.

You need to say things and take your place in this life. You don’t take place by sitting on your bed listening to Asake or watching Yhemolee’s snaps and mumbling ‘God when’ no dey work for this side. Oya, go to your mirror and place your hands on your chest. Say ‘I am a baller’ three times. Don’t forget to beat your chest o.

For real though, words are important. You think it. You say it. You act it.

Step 2: All Na Packaging

This is where you’ll need to get creative. First of all, get a plain white tee. Authentic ballers wear sparkling white shirts. Please give dash all your skinny jeans out. This is not a ballet performance. Put some oversized jeans on top of those shoes you reserve for the Special Singles Connect service in church. Your drip may not be 100% but you’ll please God as you ball. Don’t forget you will always need lip balm. Whatever you’re wearing make sure you put on your Cuban (even though the ice is fake). Also, you might need to get banana yellow socks. Don’t forget sunglasses, please. You’d need it in the night .

Wearing sunglasses boosts your morale. Everyone is looking around with their bare eyes but you’re out chilling with a wheel-screen on your face 😍 ballerrrrrr

P.S: Deodorant is a must, please.

Step 3: Strategic Movement

I should warn you that not all restaurants will allow you to enter with your bottled water. Well, that is if you allow them to see it 🙄. Carry your cute tote bag,- nobody will search your bag- put your N100 bottle water inside and order meat pie and chicken wings.

We are balling on a budget o, please be careful. If you buy bottled water in the restaurant just prepare to wash plate.

While you’re at it, slice cucumbers on your chicken wings and place moringa leaf on it. After all, it’s all about aesthetics. Take some lit pictures

It’s all about perception. Deep down, you know you’re a mechanic. But the rest of the world can’t know that. You need to take awesome pictures for the internet so everyone buys into your baller narrative. You gerrit?

Step 4: Hang around rich people

You might actually increase your chances of becoming a proper baller by hanging around rich people. I’m being serious this time. You know rich people like to show off so be careful. Don’t get involved in those ATM cards games o. If your ATM card cannot afford Hennessy 😭 please just sit in the toilet until the game is over. Be careful too if they kidnap you 😭 2k no go release you o but at least you have rich friends in your corner. I hope you have ‘good ‘ rich friends lol. Omo ologo 7G. In all, be careful so you won’t end up like the tinder swindler

Step 5: Behave like a baller

Remember your 2go status write-up? Exactly, fake it till you make it. That’s what you need to do. If you act like whatever your definition of a baller is, you’ll become one before you know it.

I’m not even playing.

If you follow these tips and things do not turn out right for you, just go back to your village and beg your village people. You may be destined to be a baller, but your village people are holding you back. You must appease them so they can set you free. Only then can your true calling be fulfilled.

After following these tips  you can now participate in thse cute end of the month recaps or dumps.

You’re welcome.

Everyone wants to become a baller and not a mechanic. It’s like you people have forgotten that mechanics are the real ballers 😂😭. They call any price that comes to mind and we won’t even know. See easy cash 😭 anyway what do I know?

Share these posts with your ball mates🙈

See you next timeee❤

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