Even if Time Stood Still, I Wouldn’t Return

I might not 🥹

I took a nap after eating doughnuts and watching  Game Night for what must be the eighth time (if not more). Now that I'm a graduate, everyone keeps asking, “What are your plans now that you are in university?” It’s a safe question, but it’s frustrating when you weren’t even sure what you were doing in university to begin with🥹🥲

I fall into that other category. I went to university simply because it was the next step after secondary school. For someone who used to say “school na scam,” with no talent outside of academics and relying on academic validation, I’ll admit, I was a bit unserious😭😂

Growing up, my dream was always to become a journalist. Other career ideas came and went, but journalism was my constant🥰If you ask a doctor why she chose her profession, she might say it’s because she wants to save lives or help people. But if you ask my 10-year-old self or my 20-year-old self, they’d give the same answer: “It’s all I’ve ever known🥹Seeing my name on a beautifully crafted article fills me with such joy, and I don’t care if anyone else reads it. I’ll treasure it and read it until the letters start to fade.

I chose journalism because it’s what I wanted for myself, not just to report on the world.

I studied Mass Communication and learned to handle gossip professionally💅. But now that I’ve mastered that skill, I find my interest waning. The idea of doing this forever doesn’t excite me anymore. I often catch myself rolling my eyes, realizing this might not be my forever path.

Reflecting on my childhood, I used to hate doughnuts. I was the kid who sucked out the jam and left the doughnut behind. It wasn’t until last year, influenced by someone I cared about, that I gave doughnuts another chance. Now, I’m not sure if I genuinely like them or if I just eat them because of that person(I miss you🥲). It feels much like my career choice—a blend of curiosity and external influence leading me somewhere I’m not quite sure about(like e dey carry me where I no know 😭)

I remember vividly imagining myself as a journalist, pen in hand, reporting stories that mattered. I’d envision my name beneath bold headlines, my room transformed into a newsroom cluttered with notebooks and pens. I’d narrate imaginary news segments to an invisible audience. It all felt so real and tangible back then(vivid imagination 😭😭😭)

But reality has a way of shifting those childhood dreams. Now, with a degree in Mass Communication, I’m questioning the path I once saw so clearly. I’ve learned the ropes of crafting stories, interviewing people, and uncovering information, but I’m unsure if this is what I want to do forever🥲The thought of spending my life in a bustling newsroom, chasing the latest scoop, makes me doubt…because omo 😭

It’s a bit like my relationship with doughnuts. As a child, I could barely tolerate them, leaving the dough behind. It wasn’t until last year that I gave them another try, influenced by someone important to me. Now, I’m unsure if I actually like them or if it’s just a habit I picked up. My career choice feels similar—driven by curiosity and external influences, yet I’m unsure if it’s truly what I want🥹🥹🥺

But that’s life, isn’t it? We grow, we learn, and we change. I’ve realized that I can take control of my own time, focus on my own path, and not worry so much about what others are doing. It’s never too late to change direction, to find a new passion, or to rediscover an old one😇.

The future is uncertain, and that’s okay 👍🏼 . Just like the moon waits for night to shine and the sun rises each morning, I know I’ll find my way... Amen

So here I am, sharing my thoughts and working through this. Writing has been challenging since I haven’t done it in a while, and I apologize if it feels a bit disjointed. But perhaps, like doughnuts and dreams, it’s all part of the journey. We’ll figure it out, one step at a time🥰

Nobody will know that I don’t know what I’m doing in school 😭😭😭